Absences

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.”
-Pope Paul VI

I have been gone for such a long time. And it just occured to me that I might have never come back. But so many things have happened since: I have moved to a new country, travelled others; laughed, cried, wished things would be different yet praised the Lord for them to be exactly the way they are. I have had doubts, and hopes. Made oh so many mistakes and learned from half of them. I have welcomed new people in my life and lost others.
And Today came along. I woke up and a friend was gone.

I have spent most of the past few months celebrating life and in the process, forgot that I was myself , dying. And Samy's death crashed into my life, making me realize that I... needed to breathe.

I start to believe that life is a luxury... that most -if not all- of us simply, cannot afford. I start to believe that maybe that fight is not worthwhile, because in the end, there is no prize. No benefit. Nothing.

By the way...What is it that we are fighting for? what is it that YOU are fighting for?

And I ask myself: does life really exist? aren't we all simply living the illusion of living? And isn't Death the actual, the true, the real reality? isn't life just a transition between two deaths? and if so, is death that horrible that we try to hold on so tightly to life?

I look through the window and I see cars passing by. Two men chatting. A blond woman smoking a cigaret. A blue bike. A gray sky.

Rest In Peace, Samuel Williams.